We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
