I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
