a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
