I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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