My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
