guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
