I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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