woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
