I wish my penis had an off switch
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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