You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
