You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
