Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
