aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
