She said her name was "party"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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