I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I licked your asshole in confidence.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
