my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All I want is dick and wine.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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