Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
