Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I love you.
Bad choice
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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