The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
