I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
