i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
