dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
