Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
