I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
