similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
