i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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