She's like a pop up book from hell.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it's like heaven, but drunker
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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