Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
