Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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