my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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