Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
