Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm like, not good at living.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
