My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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