hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
