yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
