I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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