my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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