Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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