well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
