If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
