We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
