You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
