Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
