i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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