I wish my penis had an off switch
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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