OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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