So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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