I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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