I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
