...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
